When I think about my Dad, I think of 1, 238
good things. He was my first love. He is the rock of our family. He hung the moon. I believe a daughter thinking that is just evidence of a job well done.
Here is a list of the first 10 words that come to mind when I think about what I've learned from my dad.
This was hands-down the very first thing I think about when considering lessons my dad has taught me. My dad is a preacher, so it happens to be his life's calling to spread the Gospel. Here's the thing, though, he didn't teach me the Gospel by thundering about it behind a pulpit.
He taught me the Gospel by living it every day. He practices what he preaches. He extends love, grace, mercy, and forgiveness. My dad never forced me to go to church, to read my bible, or make any spiritual commitments. Rather, I witnessed my dad going to church, reading his bible, and keeping spiritual commitments-- faithfully. No matter what. Growing up, I knew that every morning (if I woke up early enough), I'd find my dad reading his Bible in his chair. Every Sunday, I'd see him on his knees. I can remember being a little girl and gravitating toward him when he would go down in prayer. I'd sit next to him and watch in awe as he went to another place, unaware of anything. I'd listen as he poured his heart out so passionately, so fervently...so honestly. I'd listen to those prayers, and I'd start thinking about who it was he was praying to. Of course my curiosity was peaked because the man I respected so much invested his life in his faith, but because my dad did not demand I seek Jesus, I came to realize you don't follow Jesus because someone else does. It's a personal thing.
Be 10 minutes early. Give it 110% 100% of the time. Stay 10 minutes late. Before I was born, my dad was a foreman in the mines. Today, it never fails that if we run into someone that used to work for my dad they comment on the type of boss he was. There have been many times that someone has made such comments to me in the absence of my dad's presence. (Which is when a compliment counts most, I believe.) I'm sure my dad was hard to work for...he has high standards. Growing up, dad wanted the bed made before we left the house each morning, and he wanted the dishes done as soon as dinner was over. He keeps his truck spotless and the yard mowed. It's more than just doing something that needs to be done. He
looks for things that need to be done. He spoiled Momma and us girls growing up by taking care of any car problem, leaky faucet, squeaky door, or broken
anything. Many times he fixed things choosing duct tape and ditching the manuals-- but it got fixed. He found a way. He showed me, by his example, that
the only way to go through life is choosing not to give up, not to make excuses, and not to complain.
I can sum this one up into just a few sentences:
A man is as only as good as his word-- so keep it. Don't be in debt to anyone. Extend your hand to help whenever it's needed without expecting anything in return. I learned these lessons of character by observing my dad handle people and situations and through the guidance he would offer me when
I was handling people and situations. Living in the mountains of Eastern Kentucky, I think it is fitting that this is our code of conduct; it represents the mountain way. My parents never told us that it doesn't matter what other people think. Don't get me wrong-- we weren't told to follow the crowd or be a "people pleaser". But we
were taught to consider the image that we were creating, the message that we were sending. It
does matter if you care about your appearance and keep your place tidy. It
does matter who you hang out with and fall in love with. It
does matter what you say and where you go. We live in a world today where young people are given a sense of entitlement. Do what you want with who you want. Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind...that's the saying, right? Well not in my house. Those who care about you
do mind and their opinion
does matter and out of respect you take heed to it. That's what I was taught, and that's what I'll teach my children.
I took a leadership class in college only to learn that I already knew all the characteristics of a good leader. I'm not saying that I could lead as good as my father-- I couldn't, but I do see what it takes. My dad has always
lead by example. I know, from watching him, that a good leader makes plenty of sacrifices. They have to be strong enough and willing to take the weight of a problem, to shoulder the responsibility, and to take blame even if it isn't theirs. A good leader doesn't seek to glorify himself but strives to lift others up. A good leader is a peacemaker, a moderator, and a confidant. A good leader shows mercy and freely forgives with or without being offered an apology. A good leader is positive and speaks hope and raises spirits. Also, a good leader is mature, wise, and humble enough to know when it is time to step down.
This is a huge ongoing lesson that I am very weak in. My dad often gets annoyed at my shortcomings in this area. But, nonetheless, he has succeeded in teaching me a thing or two.
As you go through life, put forth the effort to notice what is going on around you. Be observant. Pay attention to the details. Listen more than you speak. I know that my sister and I could not sneak a single thing pass him in high school. But it's even more than that. Be present in the moment. Know what's around you. When someone speaks, listen to what they are saying. Pay attention to the details of the conversation- their body language, their expressions, their tone. Notice what they
aren't saying. If something is going wrong, be it a washing machine or a relationship, observe the problem. You have to know exactly what to fix. I've seen that practicing being observant can save you a lot of trouble and hassle as you go through life.
I think that my dad's attitude can be bottled into this:
not why me, but try me. All my life, my dad has told me to pull myself up by my bootstraps. "Cowboy up," he would say. I would insist, "But dad I'm a
girl." My dad never had a son to raise, but I know he would've raised a good one. We girls sure put him through the wringer with our tears and hormones and sensitivities. I think it'd be safe to say that we taught him a thing or two as well, especially in regards to
patience. My dad is tough, determined, persevering, motivated, disciplined, and genuine. He is also humble. He has a servant's heart. One day, nearing my wedding, dad and I were walking to lose some pounds. We approached a hill and he offered me his hand. I took it and kept rambling on about whatever I was talking about-- until I realized I couldn't talk anymore, because I was out of breath. He had picked up the pace and wasn't backing down. My legs and sides were burning. I wanted so badly to stop and take a breather, but he wouldn't let go of my hand. The steeper the hill got, the tighter his grip. Just when I was sure that I was going to fall on my knees, we reached the top. I've learned that if we quit our "bellyaching" and push ourselves, we'll realize that we're capable of a lot more. Dad always says that limitations come from your own mind. When the climb gets higher, you push harder. Attitude is the key to having happiness in this fallen world.
Now, here's a category I learned well.
Make jokes, take jokes, and play jokes. My dad is a practical joker. He's constantly hiding to pop out from behind things, throwing snowballs into mom's shower, and playing all sorts of pranks. I couldn't imagine how boring my childhood would have been without all of his jokes. That's part of life, finding the laughter. And
being the laughter. You have to be okay with being laughed at. It's good to laugh and make people laugh...it's the best medicine. My dad has crow's feet creased around his eyes as a result of the laughter he filled my childhood with.
My dad belongs to a dying breed. He wears his camo proudly, has a gun hanging near the backdoor, and a skoal ring etched in his jean pocket. He has a firm handshake and loves to be outdoors. Because of my dad, I know that men should respect women. They should open doors, mind their language, and make them feel safe. My dad would pick a flower from the rosebush and bring it inside to Mom often. He tells her that she's pretty. He apologizes when he's wrong. I've watched them be a team, and I've watched as he delicately draws a line.
He stands beside her, not over her, yet manages to lead.
I've talked about how humbleness is woven into many of these lessons. It is an important quality to strive to have. It isn't achieved easily. It's the nature of man to be full of himself. In the flesh, we battle being conceited on a daily bases. It's more than just physical appearances, though.
Humiliation is the absence of pride. It leads to a state of lowliness or submission. It has negative connotation in today's world. Today's young people are growing up with no respect for authority of any kind. They are being brainwashed that it is
never okay to be submissive or acknowledge a personal lack of importance or worthiness. The lack of humbleness is playing a huge role in the fall of our nation. My dad has taught me that there is whole, huge, entire universe of people in the world beyond my mountains. And that Christ died for all of them, too. Christ died for and loves the murderers as much as the martyrs. He died for and loves the fornicator as much as the saint. I also have learned to realize that Jesus doesn't rescue or save the flesh. He isn't concerned with the flesh. It is a deeper level, the inner man, that Jesus works on and cares about. Humbleness enlightens you on that level.
I used to think that I wanted to be just like my dad. I used to think that I wanted to marry someone just like my dad and raise sons to be just like my dad. Dad lives his life to represent his faith. He is constantly pointing people towards Jesus. I don't meant to make him sound like he's perfect...he isn't. He can be hardheaded, impatient, and quick tempered. He's human. I realize now that the best qualities I see in my dad, the ones I want for myself, my husband, and my children...aren't really my dad's at all. I realized that my dad makes an effort every day to pray for the guidance and the strength to be
Christ-like. And that's the desire that I have for me and mine...that we can press on towards the mark of the high calling. As you go through life, you learn a lot about people. Many times they aren't who you thought they were or they let you down.
Dad says you prove your character until the day you die. And hopefully, when you're gone, you've left a legacy of love.
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"A father is neither an anchor to hold us back, nor a sail to take us there, but a guiding light whose love shows us the way."
Happy Father's Day to all men who dedicate their life to raising a child. It is the most important job you will ever have. May God bless you!
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