Seasons

My typical Saturday afternoon involves lesson planning, TPT surfing, checking emails, doing laundry, changing sheets, doing dishes, catching up on my DVR, and picking out my clothes for the week (yes, the entire week), and just generally trying to get things in order for another go at it.

I've always struggled with anxiety; always. Granted, it was much, much worse before I began walking with Christ. Though my faith helps, I am still "me" in that I am an over analyzing, worry-wart, type A, planner. 

Even now, chilling in my yoga pants, clickin' on my Mac, binge watching Teen Mom & Chrisly Knows Best to the sound of clothes tumbling in the dryer, I feel a little anxious about the way the leaves on the trees looked so different this weekend....mostly yellow slipping in, but I know orange and deep red come next...before they all fall to the ground.  

One of the things I worry about, even though I know it does no good, is time slipping away.

The saying goes, if you don't like the weather in Kentucky just wait a few minutes...

The changing seasons keep me in check. 

It's not that I am afraid of the end of my time on this earth. I've done my meditating on death and I'm at peace with the concept. I know everyday is a gift and no one is promised a tomorrow.

I just worry that I'm not being present enough in life's daily routines. I know how nothing seems to change and then you look around one day and everything is different. It's too easy to spend time missing the way things were or wishing they'd be better in the future. And I'm worried that I'll spend too much time doing that. I see the gray in my Momma's hair and the white in my Dad's beard. My niece and nephew just keep getting taller. And although, I know I was only born in the 90's, I've still lived to see a lot of change.

My parents, sister, niece and nephew, and I spent Saturday at Camden Park. On the way to the park, Mom told stories of trips made in earlier years. I love hearing stories about the high school sweet hearts. While my sister and I held the kids tightly as the log climbed its way up the water bed, we noticed Mom and Dad sitting on a bench below...snapping their first selfie on my mom's new iPhone, which is the first cellphone she's ever had that hasn't qualified as ancient.  I took my own mental pictures all day. I snapped a pic of my dad with his hat on backwards on the tilt-a-whirl smiling so big he looked like a boy. I snapped a pic of Mom riding a horse on the carousel going up and down and around and around; a lot like life. I snapped a pic of Lexi and Colton holding ice cream cones trying to remember their sticky smiles marked by tiny and missing teeth.

The chipped, fading paint made it evident that the park wasn't what it use to be. But it still serves its purpose of allowing families to roam around and laugh together. And though no one else at the park knew, nor did we mention it ourselves, but the four us were accomplishing a big feat. A feat is something that requires strength and courage. Spending a day together at a park, laughing, playing, enjoying each other, and being happy is a feat. Allowing the happiness and the laughter and the joy does takes courage and strength...when you're doing it with one less. When you're missing someone.

I'm proud of my parents and how brave they are. They are so strong. And I know their strength comes from the Lord. It is the same strength that will get me through the time I live on this earth without them one day, if the Lord blesses me to live long enough.

I hear my husband and his new buddies from Physical Therapy school shout from the living room and it brings me back to reality. They are watching the Kentucky Wildcats play football and my husband's hope for that team is one thing that will never change.

It's scary and exciting to think about how Andrew and I are really at the beginning of our own adventure of for better or for worse. And who knows what will unravel, how God will use us, and what storms we will weather.  I guess the not knowing is the exciting and the scary part.

At any rate, we have one more summer under our belt. This past week saw the first official day of Fall. I have pumpkin patch dates, fall festivals, and pumpkin painting marked in my October.

I pray that with each day I chase Christ, choose joy, relish the moment, and go to bed with a thankful heart.