I've thought long and hard about "adoption" and what it means to me. I've meditated on the fact that I was adopted by my Lord and Savior. I read the verses calling Christians to care for the orphans. I asked my husband if he would ever consider adoption. And then I called up a friend.
My first year of teaching led me to a tiny, rural K-8 school that consisted of only about 130 kids. My year was as long and winding as the road I traveled twice a day. I love to catch a glimpse of how true it is when we say that "hindsight is 20/20". Looking back, I can see many things that came from my 1st year experience of teaching 1st grade at that school. One particular result is that I met Dawn. She is the mother of a student that was on my Speech team.
I don't really know the word for what I was feeling. Not exactly the same as "obsession", but somewhere in that ballpark. I didn't know what I wanted to do or what I was supposed to do or how to do it, but I was going crazy trying to figure it out. I just felt the urge to move. I still don't know the exact direction, but staying still was not and is not an option.
Anyways, back to Dawn. It was during one of my sporadic days when I was trying to get a grip on what it was that I needed to be doing that I remembered her. It was my planning period on a busy day at my current school and though there were exactly 50,341 things that I could have been doing, I picked up my cellphone. I recalled Dawn mentioning that if we ever wanted to adopt to let her know. She had said she would love to help us out. I wasn't sure how she would help or what I wanted to ask her, but I called her. When I got off the phone with her, after days of agony, I felt a little bit of peace. (I can't adequately explain it, that's just how it was.) I had known that she did social work and that was about it. Turns out, she is the director of the foster care program for our region. She talked with me about adoption through her program and how most families start out as foster parents and then sometimes an adoption becomes available. Of course I had a bazillion questions (and I still do!), but right in the middle of our conversation, a new word seeped into my heart. Foster.
After that phone conversation and speaking more with my husband, I channeled my energy. I did some research and the statistics I came across are some heavy ones. On a national basis, there were approximately 399,546 kids in care in 2011. An estimated 20,000 young adults "aged out" of the system when they turned 18 without ever finding a forever family. Statistics easily turn into "just numbers", but think about how high that number is. And then think about those numbers as children...because that's what they are: innocent children. Even more heartbreaking is taking a look at the statistics of "aged out" foster children in particular. When those young adults are left to their own devices in our society, only 4% of them obtain a college degree. Close to half of "aged out" foster kids become homeless.
I don't know about you, but that made my heart feel so heavy. It's one of many results of living in a fallen world.
As I began to mention foster care to my close friends and family members, I was hit with another wave of realization. I was cozy on my couch when another word just -BAM- seeped into my heart. Birthparents.
Because connected to those 399,546 kids are set of birthparents. That are not so innocent. Quite frankly, most are probably headed straight to hell. And THAT is the saddest statistic of all.
I thought about just how different we really are, those broken people that can't get their lives together and myself. What it comes down to is this: the only thing that separates us is Jesus.
So as my husband and I strongly consider embarking on the journey of fostering, we do so with the birthparents front and center on our minds. For you see, fostering isn't just about the kids. The goal of foster care is to reunite children with their birth family to a safe and secure environment. The system is designed to offer services, therapy, and rehab to birthparents. No matter what the circumstances (abuse/neglect/etc.) we have to speak with hope about these people. We have to show them the right way. The goal isn't to keep their child, but to give them an opportunity to fix themselves, to show them the worth of their child, and to offer encouragement and purpose...
The goal is to extend them a little grace.
So as I fill out pages and pages of a profile and prepare to attend another class tomorrow evening, I think on that five letter word-- grace. And how it was extended to me. And how it has made all the difference.
I know some have been hesitant to comment on our decisions. And I understand that. Especially those closest to us that love us the most. They don't want to see us get hurt. They want to protect us. Others, acquaintances, look at us oddly and wonder why in the world essential newlyweds would want to have foster kids in their home. And I honestly really can't write up a fancy answer for you, except we just feel it. I've always prayed for the Lord to direct my path and fill my hands and use me.
As a little girl, I wanted to be a missionary. Even now, I sometimes feel like I'm not doing enough to reach others and spread the gospel. I see pictures of people on mission trips to third world countries holding dark skinned children with big eyes and easy smiles. Sure, I would enjoy an experience like that, but what about our mountain children? Can we be missionaries right here at home? I think absolutely yes. And I think it's absolutely needful.
I also feel like I need to say this: I do not think I can save the world. Andrew and I are not donning a superhero's cape. I won't deny that we may be naïve about the ways of the system; however, we are not that naïve. But just because the chance is there that we won't help a single person, doesn't mean we shouldn't try. Just because "foster care" is going to bring the ugly, devastating truth of a broken family, doesn't mean we shouldn't open our door. And just because foster care isn't trending and won't come in a monogrammed, chevron bow, doesn't mean we shouldn't accept it.
Lord, if there's a road we should walk...help us find it.
