My Love Story

When I said Yes! August 2012
He popped the question when we hiked to the waterfall known as Bad Branch Falls located on Pine Mountain.

I met my Mr. at church one Sunday morning... but only in passing. I suppose we made "sheep's eyes" but no conversation was started. It is true that I nudged my oldest sister and told her I'd marry him someday. She had rolled her eyes and laughed. I wouldn't call it love at first sight, because I think that's sounds like a silly concept. But I have always been a romantic at heart, and I do believe in soul mates. And in that moment, I did have a strong intuition. That's a fact.

It didn't hurt that he's handsome and was dressed in his Sunday duds. But it was more than that.  Let me go back...

Leading up to the summer we met, I experienced some of my darkest days. I was the furthest away from the Lord than I had ever been. I was lost, lonely, and deeply hurting. The previous summer, my sister had died. My world turned gray. It was, and is, an unbearable pain that leaves you no choice but to bear it. Pain is such a fragile, porcelain thing. We all hold it differently. You hold on to it, and it will cut you. And it will cut those around you.

I didn't do a very good job bearing my pain, though I tried. It's hard to let my mind wonder back to those toughest moments. And let me explain something...people say it gets easier, and I suppose it does, but I wouldn't explain it that way. The pain does not get any easier. You just get stronger. You learn to bear it better. That is all.

I remember being on the ground and crying from a place inside of me that I had never cried from before. I remember walking around a room full of coffins, shopping for the one we would put my sister in. I remember staring at that closed coffin at the funeral and wondering if I would ever see her again.

The odds of dying in a plane crash are one in 11 million. My sister was terrified of heights and planes. She was terrified of dying.

It was May 25th when we received the phone call that changed who we are today. I had turned 20 years old just four days earlier, but I aged more on that day than I had the entire previous year. Kassie would have turned 23 that August. She was young and beautiful, full of blonde hair, wild green eyes, and dreams. She liked Bob Marley & The Beatles, expensive things, and light hearted conversations.

"All you need is love, love...love is all you need."
Kassie Lynn Robinson passed away on May 25, 2011

I had originally created this post because it was Valentine's Day, and I was going to write about my Mr. But I have always been the type of writer that has a real hard time planning on what to write. I do much better when I start writing without any idea of the direction that I'm going. I couldn't realize why I was resurfacing difficult memories, instead of sharing the event of my snowy V-day. (Which I had originally intended.) But I see now where my subconscious is headed. Kassie's story is fitting, because it's a big part of my ultimate love story.

You see, when someone you love dies, especially someone young and unexpected, the word "death" begins to haunt your every thought. It's all I could think about...

It was, in essence, that pain that brought me to the knees of my heart. To the place where I found Jesus.

I was baptized that next May, the first Sunday of the month. I had finally found life. I had finally found the truest love that exists.

 "And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13 .
My baptism, May 2012

But that "in between year", coming full circle, was a very dark time for me. I withdrew from my family. I clung to the wrong people, the wrong crowd, the wrong boy. I drank. I did anything that took my mind away from thinking about death. Anything that distracted me from wondering what it was like to be on a plane that was burning. Anything that distracted me from feeling guilty about not being the best sister. Anything that distracted me from thinking about Heaven and Hell...about life and death. I was either numb or feeling too strongly. I had found no balance, no peace.

But then, on Easter morning, right in the midst of my torment, I met Jesus.

I finally understood the word "salvation" and why we needed it. I felt so unworthy and so unclean. I was ashamed of the person I had become. I was so scared of dying.

Ever since I was around fourteen, I had felt God knocking on my heart, and I had turned him down. Time and time again. I didn't think I was ready...for different reasons at different times. I didn't think I was ready, once, because I didn't understand enough about the Bible. (Which, of course, I now see we will never fully understand.) I didn't think I was ready, once, because I didn't truly believe in a Heaven or a Hell. I wanted evidence and facts. I didn't think I was ready, once, because I was too attached to the darkness. I didn't want to give up certain areas of my lifestyle. And there at the end, I didn't think I was ready, because I wasn't sure how to feel about a God that allowed such suffering to happen to good people.

But on that morning, I heard and felt with my whole being, "why not now".  Why not now, in my darkest time, when I felt like I could go no further...why not succumb to the Almighty and let Him carry me. That's exactly what I did. I felt the peace fall over my body and fill my soul. The shame, the fear, the guilt, the doubt....vanished. My Savior rescued me. I've been living for Him ever since that moment, and I haven't looked back. I honestly believe that was my last chance. That was the last time the Lord would have beckoned me. I had turned Him away so many times before, and I thank God everyday that He gave me one more chance.

That very day, I went home and poured a bottle of vodka down the drain. I called that wrong boy on the phone and told him that my life had changed; I was going to live for the Lord.

The very next Sunday, as if he appeared out of thin air, I spied Andrew in the church house. He attended my baptism in May. We we're dating by the end of the month. And engaged by August. Hey, when ya know...ya know!

We married the following July.


My denomination is referred to as Old Regular Baptist. We are made up of a community of churches throughout many counties and a few neighboring states. Different churches take turns hosting services on different Sundays and the preachers, along with the congregations, travel. Andrew and I are from different counties. My daddy is a preacher, and visits as many of our churches as he can. These are all reasons why I hadn't really noticed Andrew at church before. It would have been easy to miss each other. Not to mention, in my older years, my attendance wasn't the greatest. Whatever the reason, I had never noticed him.

I remember having a conversation with my dad once, expressing my concern of finding a Christian man. I had told him that they were in short supply. (Especially in my denomination, since our membership vastly consists of elderly people.) Sure, it was easy to find a guy that claimed to be a Christian and occasionally went to church. But that's not what I wanted. In the grand scheme of life, denomination isn't important, but it is when it comes to husbands. I was voicing my concern about that matter to my dad. I didn't just want a genuine Christian (which is hard enough in and of itself among 20 year olds), I wanted a genuine ORB Christian.

(Although, there are a thousand members, there are only a handful of ORB members that are in their early 20s. Two of whom are males.)

I know the thought entered my parents' minds, just like it did mine, that I would never find one. We were all guilty of that worry.

And we were all wrong.

Ta-da! Cue my prince charming.

Our "home" ORB church in Isom, KY.

It is still surreal to me that he walked into my life exactly when he was suppose to. But that is how I knew that he was the one.

This July will mark our two year anniversary and every day I learn to love him more.  Our relationship with our spouse is a lot like our Savior's relationship with His believers. I had always heard that, but it's a lot more relevant once you experience it. I am learning that the closer each of us grows towards Jesus, the closer we will grow towards each other. I am learning that everyday marriage calls me to be selfless.

To this day, it is difficult for me to look at my wedding pictures-- especially the group family photos. I don't think that will ever change. I never imagined my middle sister not being in them. Having a wedding without her beside me was the hardest thing I have ever done.

Charles Spurgeon said, "I have learned to kiss the wave that slams me into the Rock of Ages." 

Horratio Spafford said, "When peace, like a river, attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll; whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say, it is well, it is well with my soul."

I have meditated on those statements and found them to be so very, very beautiful and true.

I am in love with the One who created love. I know that I can find hope in the grief and know that it is well with my soul. I can kiss the waves.

I am also in love with a man who loves Jesus more than he loves me.

And that is my love story. 

All you need is love, love... Love is all you need. Walk in love.

Taken at Paradise Island in Mexico during our honeymoon.